You're a triathlete when...

• When asked, how old you are you answer 20-24.
• Your traning is more limited by available time then how far you can run.
• Your first thought when you wake up is how high your rest HR is.
• You go for a 5 km cooldown run after a 5 km race just so that you can call it a training session.
• You consider work, regeneration time between training sessions.
• That something hard between your legs is usually a pull buoy
• You have a water bottle when you drive your car.
• You've forgotten how to drink out of cups
• You know inside out how much Protein each energy bar has.
• When people praising you for being able to run 15 miles you're feeling insulted.
• You need a picture for a job application and you only have race pictures.
• That charming "cologne" you wear to work is chlorine
• You take more showers in a locker room than at home
• 6:30 am is sleeping in
• the dog runs and hides when you get the leash!
• You think there are only two seasons during the year, racing and off.
• You can't change the oil in your car but you can completly rebuild your bike in 45 mins
• You spend more £ on training and racing clothes then work clothes
• You clean your bike more often than your car
• When a co-worker asks if you are racing this weekend, you say "yeah, but I'm just running a 10k, so that is not REALLY a race".
• You consider you bike saddle your "couch"
• you have plenty of water bottles, safety pins, and t-shirts.
• you have trouble keeping lunch under 2000 calories.
• you usually wake up at 4:00 in the morning but do not get to work until way after 9:00.
• you have a £4000 bike strapped on top of your £2000 car.
• you have no trouble pushing a day's caloric intake to over 8000 calories
• you're always wet! Either sweat water, pool water, sea water, shower water, bath water or its p*****g down outside!
• Instead of Marie Clare, People and Cosmo, you have piles of Runner's World in your bathroom.
• you have far more pairs of shoes in your closet than your non-tri wife does in hers
• the one "suit" you own has "Orca" written on the chest.
• You wear your heart rate monitor during sex....
• ...and you keep within the right HR zone
• when "foreplay" is 15 minutes on a turbo trainer
• your kitchen cupboards are organized into "protein", "carbs" and "etc"
• you bring bottled water to a party so that you're properly hydrated for the next morning's long run, everyone else at the party also brought their own bottled water because you don't have a social life outside of triathlon. Oh yeah, and they all showed up by 7pm and left by 10pm.
• Your idea of fast food is a power bar and SIS Go
• you have no FRIGGIN idea what to do with yourself on your off day.
• You feel like you took the day off because all you did was swim 3000 meters then go for a short run.
• At any given moment you know exactly where your heart rate monitor and your swimgoogles are, but cannot remember where you left you car keys. (turns out 90% of the time they are in your bike bag)
• When non-racer friends tell you they ran/rode you automatically calculate their pace to see if you're still in better shape.
• Cars pass you on the road when you're driving and you either drop back to get out of draft zone or speed up to attack!
• You have no trouble converting mph into kmph
• Your girlfriends are insanely jealous of your tan legs. Until they realize that the tan stops at your bike shorts.
• Your best girl friend gets a new bike and tells you that it's a really pretty shade of blue. You get a new bike and can tell her the chain ring ratios.
• You are over 30 and there is still someone in your life that you refer to as "coach".
• Your last bike cost more than your first car.
• You have peed outdoors more times in the last year than you did in your first year of university.
• You think of mowing the lawn as a form of cross-training.
• You refer to the front hall of your house as the "transition area".
• You have changed more flat tires this year than light bulbs.
• The first three items on your grocery list are Gatorade, power bars, and gels.
• When you floss at night, it's to get the bugs out of your teeth.
• Your legs move in a cycling motion while you are asleep.
• You think the ultimate form of wallpaper is about 64 racing bibs.
• A 19-year old kid who works in a bicycle shop know more about you than your next-door neighbor.
• Your children are more likely to recognize you if you put your bicycle helmet.
• When you refer to your "partner", you mean neither your spouse nor the co-owner of your business but the person you run or bike with three times a week.
• There is a group of people in your life about whom you are more likely to know how fast they can swim 100 meters than their surnames or occupations.
• Some of the shorts you wear today are tighter than the ones you wore in high school.
• There's a separate load of laundry every week that is just your workout clothes. (They are washed more tenderly than your spouse's past birthday presents)
• You failed high school chemistry but you could teach a course on lactic acid.
• All you want for Christmas is something called a carbon crank set.
• You wore a digital watch to your wedding.
• Your bicycle is in your living room.
• When a car follows too closely behind you, you accuse the driver of "drafting". (or you "draft" behind the car in front of you)
• Your spouse is looking forward to the day when you will slow down and just run marathons.
• You recently asked your spouse out for dinner by asking if he or she wanted to "fuel up" together.